Im not telling you a story about great things in my life, not that I could tell you. I wouldn’t remember. Im not telling you how hurt I was, or how dark it was, and how much hate I had inside against everyone of ‘us’ or how it felt to drink from others. Im just telling this story so maybe you may realize that I lie about my whole life.

I was young… and I was dead. I was dead, and I just didn’t care. I still felt pain, and I still felt tears. I still felt joy,.. and I still felt love.

I learned everything that there was to learn in the 18th century. I very much so miss the fashion, and the lifestyle. I was 17 and living in Scotland. I must have moved to so many states, and countries, I cant even keep up with it. I did however like England the most, and stayed there the longest. In fact, I often go back. I learned to control my accent however. I grew tired of boys being all over me because I was ’from England’. Sometimes you’d wonder why I like to play dress up so much, or often walk around in some old clothing for no special occasion.

Than the 19th century rolled around, I began going out, doing everything with other people. I learned to make friends with large groups of people. I would party, and loose myself after a long boring life. I began to loose myself to everything. To drugs especially. If you could have seen me, you wouldn’t even recognize me. Than I found the few friends who saved my life, however, they passed and faded. I continued to try and find people, and then I soon realized, the best of the best would come to me, and weren’t only there ‘only’ when I needed them, but all the time.

One day, finally, I was able to watch the sun set… and the sunrise. A small smile would play upon my lips every time I stared into the big screen, or sometimes I‘ll even sit in front of the television, wishing I could go out there into the real world. Some say we can actually go out into the sun, but I don’t dare to even try.

As time went by, I tried harder and harder to become a normal person, trying to see what its like to live without everything you want. So I left my job, and left my home. I traveled around finding some big cities. Its easier to be forgotten in cities, but I took a stop in a small town. I don’t know how well I played it off there, since I was attacked by all these questions. First thing they assumed? I was a vampire. But that was ok, because some of them really tried to convince me that they were one. I always denied boys that wanted me too much… It was always the same thing over and over, and they all wanted the same thing, so I eventually decided to tell them that I wasn’t interested in sex, only to find the ones who really cared, but why was it that every time I found an interest in a boy, before he did me, I could never make him fall? I didn’t understand.

All the time I’d pretend that I don’t know anything,.. If I acted like the smartest person in the world, they’d wonder why the hell im not in some college, and have a great job. Getting everything your way is such a boring way to live. But after a while, I’ve come to realize that my acting is set in my brain, and I cannot even function like a normal person. Its like all my knowledge has been locked away. With all the countries I’ve been to, I ended up learning many different languages, and slang, but after so long, I tend to have gotten them mixed up, and soon I wasn’t even able to say a simple sentence without mixing other languages in. Luckily I was able to take up sign language pretty easily. College these days are so much different. Sorta.

It seems as if my brain works all on its own. Being who I am, I have plenty of memories, or at least I should, right? Maybe too many to keep track, so on a regular basis, they seem to be erased, rather I like it or not…and which ones is not my choice. I guess I only have so much room. Heh, no, not really. Im not that stupid.

Without having a job, and for some reason its getting harder and harder to pick one up, I had to find people to live with. Staying in one spot, and after the people start to realize that you’ve looked the same for years can stir things around, but when your old, and you still stay looking old, no one seems to notice. Of course I still look like a little 14 year old, so here I am, in a new state. It wouldn’t be so bad if my mother was around. She past away not too long ago, and I’ll always remember the way she begged me not to go the night before she passed. It breaks my heart. A few years before she passed, I met my sister. No, she is not like us.. She’s a half sister. Maybe she or I were not to know about each others lives, or something. I havnt a clue. Maybe it was to keep her from danger. I also have a totally different half brother. I havnt yet met him. Maybe one day. After all, I have almost my whole life.

After living a life as a normal person, Im suddenly wanting to go back… maybe have a little fun. I’ve missed out on sooo much just trying to be a simple, normal, everyday person, that I haven’t even done the things that most humans have done. But what is there to do in this boring state? I’d move, but I think I may stick around my father for a little while. I havn’t seen him for a long while, and Im coming to realize that his medieval lifestyle is fading fast, even if he is in the SCA. That’s what I like though. I can dress just like I did when I was just a young girl. Its just a little hard to find people to make me dresses these days.. But that’s ok. I like playing dress up. I didn’t want long hair like the rest of ‘them’ so I cut it, short, and kept cutting it. And after a while, I came to realize that I was missing my long hair, so I grew it back, and then for some reason, cut it again, so now im trying to grow it back. It seems to be taking forever. Especially for my modeling, which was actually a mistake… A vampire should never let themselves be known in a wide verity of people…