With one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding my hand he told me ''Everything's different now.'' And that day, was the last time I saw him....
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Late
So sorry for not updating in FOREVER!
but the depressing bullshit really got to me.
So here I am sitting at my grandparent's house, letting my cat walk around while the dog is sleeping in the garage.
So yesterday my best friend's mom kicked me out...
and Im having to hear how lonely Bass is feeling, and how he is crying. Yes, we're a little more than friends, and I miss him just as much. I hate being away from him. Its so heart breaking....
And on Sunday my ex moved to AZ to live with his new gf...
He was crying the day we 'thought' would be the last day we'd see each other.
Why are all these boys crying, yet they dont want to be with me?
I dont get it.
but the depressing bullshit really got to me.
So here I am sitting at my grandparent's house, letting my cat walk around while the dog is sleeping in the garage.
So yesterday my best friend's mom kicked me out...
and Im having to hear how lonely Bass is feeling, and how he is crying. Yes, we're a little more than friends, and I miss him just as much. I hate being away from him. Its so heart breaking....
And on Sunday my ex moved to AZ to live with his new gf...
He was crying the day we 'thought' would be the last day we'd see each other.
Why are all these boys crying, yet they dont want to be with me?
I dont get it.
Just Like Last
I remember when my mom was dying.... I prayed and prayed.... and she got better!
and than it was like, 2 days later, she was worse than before, than passed away soon after that.
So the other day, I prayed to be happy, for bass to be happy, and marie, and frany, and for my cat to calm down and be happy....
and that night bass and I talked,... I had a way better understanding of him, and I knew from that day on, things would always be better between me and him. I was happy....
and than the next day, his mom kicks me out of the house o3/o8/1o
she didnt even give me a chance.
she simply kicked me out because she thought I ignored her....
THOUGHT! <-- key word... she acted like a child, didnt even want to talk about it. Just took it the wrong way, and didnt even give me a chance to speak!!
she just came in while me and bass were sleeping, and just started yelling at me, telling me I had 10 minutes to get my things out or she'd call the cops.
I couldnt believe her. A lady with very rude, immature kids, and she hates me for the smallest thing ever. 'i had to work for this roof,... god' God? No, GOD put that roof there... and if your a lady that believes in him, and Christ, your thought to learn to accept people into your home when they are lost and alone. No... you didnt even give me a chance.
I worked my ass off trying to find a job online, and even went out... but you couldnt even see that. I dont know how you can have crosses hanging in your home. Take them down! Im trying to change, trying to be happy, trying to find a life.... but no one will give me the chance! [except my dad, but I constantly feel like I have to be home at a certain time, cant go hang out with guys, or do this or that] Ever since my mom died, its like no one will give me a chance to live. I lived once... when I moved to Turlock. I was happy for once.
And YOU! You of all people.... I seriously thought you were something different. But you threw me out like an old rag. No respect, no remorse, no feelings, no care of where I end up. You just yelled like a little child wanting a new toy. Not caring about anything.
and than it was like, 2 days later, she was worse than before, than passed away soon after that.
So the other day, I prayed to be happy, for bass to be happy, and marie, and frany, and for my cat to calm down and be happy....
and that night bass and I talked,... I had a way better understanding of him, and I knew from that day on, things would always be better between me and him. I was happy....
and than the next day, his mom kicks me out of the house o3/o8/1o
she didnt even give me a chance.
she simply kicked me out because she thought I ignored her....
THOUGHT! <-- key word... she acted like a child, didnt even want to talk about it. Just took it the wrong way, and didnt even give me a chance to speak!!
she just came in while me and bass were sleeping, and just started yelling at me, telling me I had 10 minutes to get my things out or she'd call the cops.
I couldnt believe her. A lady with very rude, immature kids, and she hates me for the smallest thing ever. 'i had to work for this roof,... god' God? No, GOD put that roof there... and if your a lady that believes in him, and Christ, your thought to learn to accept people into your home when they are lost and alone. No... you didnt even give me a chance.
I worked my ass off trying to find a job online, and even went out... but you couldnt even see that. I dont know how you can have crosses hanging in your home. Take them down! Im trying to change, trying to be happy, trying to find a life.... but no one will give me the chance! [except my dad, but I constantly feel like I have to be home at a certain time, cant go hang out with guys, or do this or that] Ever since my mom died, its like no one will give me a chance to live. I lived once... when I moved to Turlock. I was happy for once.
And YOU! You of all people.... I seriously thought you were something different. But you threw me out like an old rag. No respect, no remorse, no feelings, no care of where I end up. You just yelled like a little child wanting a new toy. Not caring about anything.
Forever and Never
So I will always love my ex Ronnie, even if we havnt dated for a long ass time, but hes the only one who has made me as happy as I was.... We never argued, we always got along, but then again I acted like a slave to him... everything he ever wanted, I'd always do.... for the most part. Dont ask why, thats just how it was. We always spent so much time with each other. Its a long story really, but once upon a time, he was dating a girl, and he was cheating on her with me, in fact, it was always like that.... apparently I was the only gf he actually never 'really' cheated on. Well he said he hadnt, but I cant really believe that. lol
Anyways, he says he still in love with me, so much, to the point that he didnt know if he should leave to AZ to live with his new gf, that he met online... He kept saying that I should have came back sooner [even though he was the one who really left me actually] but he ment coming back from Colorado.
He asked his new gf if I could be part of the relationship! He called her, and asked if they could have a 3 way relationship. Yes, he actually asked her! And yes,... she started crying =/
But the other night, we thought it was going to be the last night we get to see each other... He kept holding me tight, not wanting me to leave, kept saying 'I dont want this to be the last night' lol I also could tell he wanted sex by the way he grinds his teeth... it was about 9:30... and my grandparents lock the door around that time, and we were right in front of the house. He didnt want me to go in, kept going down to his knees begging me not to leave him.... He was unstable, and didnt know what to do. He just wanted me there.... he didnt want it to be the last night. Ronnie is deff NOT the guy you see, EVER begging...
He must have went down to the ground about 4 times.... But I had to go in. I loved him with all my heart, but my grandpa would have gotten really angry if I never came back home. And when I told Ronnie I really needed to go inside.... I looked up at him, and tears started falling. I didnt know what to do, or what to say.... Ronnie doesnt cry. Especially not in front of people. He may have cried once in front of me when I was moving to Colorado.... and he was with me early morning, as we waiting for my grandparents to pick me up, to take me to the airport. I can remember that day very clearly..... We kissed, and I started to cry.... and right as I did, it started to rain....
Ronnie's phone will be shut off today,... his gf probably will be watching him as he gets online after asking if I could be in the relationship, he doesnt get online that often anyways.... he blocked me from myspace last time we had drama.... and he hasnt been online for almost a month. I still have him on VF but he hasnt been on that for over a month.... He leaves on the 6th.... This saturday... Im sure I'll never hear from him again... But all his friends say he'll be crawling back in 4 months... I hope they are right. I dont see how Ronnie could leave his sister, and his best friend for some girl he met online.
I love him, and always will....
that was March 1st. His birthday was feb 28th. March 2nd was the last time I saw him. He leaves to AZ march 6th to go live with his new gf
Anyways, he says he still in love with me, so much, to the point that he didnt know if he should leave to AZ to live with his new gf, that he met online... He kept saying that I should have came back sooner [even though he was the one who really left me actually] but he ment coming back from Colorado.
He asked his new gf if I could be part of the relationship! He called her, and asked if they could have a 3 way relationship. Yes, he actually asked her! And yes,... she started crying =/
But the other night, we thought it was going to be the last night we get to see each other... He kept holding me tight, not wanting me to leave, kept saying 'I dont want this to be the last night' lol I also could tell he wanted sex by the way he grinds his teeth... it was about 9:30... and my grandparents lock the door around that time, and we were right in front of the house. He didnt want me to go in, kept going down to his knees begging me not to leave him.... He was unstable, and didnt know what to do. He just wanted me there.... he didnt want it to be the last night. Ronnie is deff NOT the guy you see, EVER begging...
He must have went down to the ground about 4 times.... But I had to go in. I loved him with all my heart, but my grandpa would have gotten really angry if I never came back home. And when I told Ronnie I really needed to go inside.... I looked up at him, and tears started falling. I didnt know what to do, or what to say.... Ronnie doesnt cry. Especially not in front of people. He may have cried once in front of me when I was moving to Colorado.... and he was with me early morning, as we waiting for my grandparents to pick me up, to take me to the airport. I can remember that day very clearly..... We kissed, and I started to cry.... and right as I did, it started to rain....
Ronnie's phone will be shut off today,... his gf probably will be watching him as he gets online after asking if I could be in the relationship, he doesnt get online that often anyways.... he blocked me from myspace last time we had drama.... and he hasnt been online for almost a month. I still have him on VF but he hasnt been on that for over a month.... He leaves on the 6th.... This saturday... Im sure I'll never hear from him again... But all his friends say he'll be crawling back in 4 months... I hope they are right. I dont see how Ronnie could leave his sister, and his best friend for some girl he met online.
I love him, and always will....
that was March 1st. His birthday was feb 28th. March 2nd was the last time I saw him. He leaves to AZ march 6th to go live with his new gf
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